Fear and indecision

I. M. (Insightful Man), 11"x8.5", color pencil and graphite on Winsor & Newton 65-lb paper

Somewhere inside my mind, I want to change the world– for the better, of course. Somewhere inside my heart, I want to change myself– if not for the better, for the truth.
I wish I was a kid again whose world revolves only around toy soldiers, toy cars, cartoons, comics, and outdoor kids’ games. I almost stayed that way far too long, until I grew old. And somewhere in between being childlike and mature was a vast expanse of period deemed childish. Looking back, I felt ill-equipped for the challenges that were to be my baptism of fire into my passage to maturity. A carefree childhood didn’t translate to a responsible coming-of-age beset with careless decisions. But the weaknesses that proved disheartening again and again couldn’t cope with an unlikely ally that I would only lately recognize: time! That’s right– good old-fashioned “time”! Time became a tightrope on which I walked timorously, fell from and caught it by hand on numerous occasions, all the time dragging my weight as I grapple my way haltingly from one station to the next. In short, I just grew old! Now, wrong decisions don’t faze me as much as my indecision. If I knew I made a wrong decision, I feel down, but not out. In fact, it would even make me feel liberated that I had gotten a mistake over with, that I had only found a solution that didn’t work! Indecision, on the one hand, is dangerously different, in that it could make me feel less a man. Indecision is a “toy” of fear. It gives one a false sense of comfort in not making a mistake by not trying at all because of indecision. I think that in a man’s life, the period between being a child and being mature is a journey interspersed with wisdom and childishness. One eventually grows with time and by God’s grace. Mistakes made and lessons learned will give one an insight into his/her own purpose in life. But if you throw in fear and indecision along the way, you won’t get anywhere– nowhere near maturity and wisdom! When fear sets in your heart and indecision toys with your mind, your time is up because your future is gone!


8 Responses

  1. Excellent reflection Master Artist! I guess .. fear is always part of life from all stages of human dev’t. –from cradle to grave–though what is more important is how one faces fear . A lot of people would rather stay in their comfort zones afraid of exploring what’s beyond fear and comfort…only to find later that that they’ve befriended someone called “Regrets”.Just want you to know that your reflections more than teaching and enlightening the reader…could induce one to rethink of the gift of today and tomorrow.So proud of you best friend.Keep it up!

  2. Tinamaan ako dito…hanef ang mga ideas mo…kape nga tayo one time lang…makikinig lang ako. Magkwento ka!

    “When fear sets in your heart and indecision toys with your mind, your time is up because your future is gone!”

    Noon ko pa sana to nabasa… haays.

  3. I like the message you’re imparting here. We will never truly know ourselves and what we’re capable of if we resign ourselves to indecision and inaction. We need to take risks at certain points in our lives.

    Some people have the tendency to focus on the problems or issues that may arise instead of focusing on how to handle such problems should they arise. Our attitude should be more of the latter so that we could truly move forward in life.

    Great post. 🙂

  4. Hi, 5378! Thank you for the visit and the very kind words!
    “Regrets,” kilalang-kilala ko ‘yan, gustung-gusto ako niyan! Katunayan nga, “I’ve had a few; But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do. And saw it through without exemption.” Ay, kanta na pala ‘yon! Pasensiya na po!
    Thanks again, 5378, for visiting my blog!
    Take care always!

  5. Hi, Heleyna!
    Kape? Sige, pero sagot mo asukal– matamis kasi akong magkape, eh! 🙂
    Gusto ko nga sana na noon mo pa nabasa post ko; kaya lang, ngayon lang ako nag-blog, eh!
    Heleyna, thank you so much sa pagbisita mo! Take care always!

  6. Hi, Pards! Thank you for the visit and the compliment!
    Tama ka, to move forward in life, one needs to act first. And it’s no use dwelling on any negative thought before acting on any decision. The bigger the risks, the sweeter the reward!
    Thanks a lot, Pards, for dropping by! Take care!

  7. that’s the sound…of a real man. brilliant. 🙂

  8. Hi, jem! Thanks a lot for the visit and for the compliment!
    I’ve been to your “PUGADMAYA” blog and I must say you got some pretty deep thoughts (for a young man) and very good posts there! All I can say is: keep on writing!
    To a lot of people, writing is their saving grace– literally saving them from an unfavorable future beyond their control! I am not a writer, and so are a lot of bloggers. But like them, I use it (writing), as well as drawing, as a means of self-expression, to vent out pent-up emotions– and also, of course, to share some of my joyful moments with my readers!
    So, happy blogging to you, keep on writing– and ease up on those Marlboros (sorry, brother, but I just gotta tell you that “cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health”)!
    Take care!

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